Men... wow

April 8, 2007

I don't know if this will make sense, because my mind is all jumbled into pieces right now but here goes: I don't even know where to begin on this one. I mean I got myself into this mess and I should get myself out. I've never been called self centered before, but I guess I am. I guess I only care about me.... but I'm really hurt and I cant figure it out. I wasn't supposed to fall for this guy. I mean I didn't even like him at first, then I did... and now I think he doesn't like me. I've given him some firsts that I didn't want to admit to, but now its out there for the world to see. I guess commitment always scared me... and now I've got a reason to run from it. It all started at work when we met. It almost seemed instant and we talked and flirted until I found out he was taken. He told me later (in November) that his girl was cheating on him and we talked and I listened to what he had to say. Just recently we started hanging out more and I thought things were going ok. Well they weren't. I guess I really tangled myself up because I think he was seeing another girl on the side and now he tells me I'm self centered, after I totally understand that he does 2 jobs and plus the national guard. I completely understand what its like to be busy. I guess I just though this guy was something and so I went for him. Now that I did that I regret it and I feel bad. I said in the beginning I didn't want people at work to know I was talking to him, I guess it was because I'm afraid of what everyone else would say, maybe I am self centered. I never told him I didn't want people to know, but I don't know if he told anyone either. We got in an argument tonight and I think he shut his phone off because now I cant get ahold of him and I couldn't sleep thinking about all of this. I kinda feel like my heart broke into a couple pieces here, maybe because I got my hopes up, maybe because I don't know what I am missing, but now it's out there and hopefully I can sleep again.