The Mad Hatter's Tea Party

November 18, 2007

For the past few weeks I have been on a mission to find part of myself, my alter ego. I am a firm believer that everyone has one. They tend to come out in situations you would never expect. In order to find my own I figured I would start by trying to find other peoples. Finding and understanding them tended to be quite a different story. Finding a person's alter ego is actually quite simple, but differentiating a person from who they are and who their alter ego is is really hard. I almost feel like who a person is is who they are when nobody else is around, they are themselves... when they get around people is when their 'alter' ego comes out. Or in these findings is it just myself that I am figuring out? I feel like my alter ego rests at a place I would now like to call The Mad Hatters Tea Party

. I havent figured out exactly what my alter ego's name is but I think I am learning something about it. And this is how it looks. I feel like my life is a big tea party like the one on alice and wonderland. Tall back chairs with purple velvet and gold placed strategically around a table that for some reason looks so far in the distance I can't see the end. I'm sitting at the head of the table, the beginning. I can see behind me the people of my past, the closest ones still close enough to hear and reply. Others behind me in the past seem to be distant but still visible in a cloudy aura. In front of me my present, the people around me so close, yet distant. Anxiety builds in the tension around me. I see in a social arena, the alter egos and who people become in front of me and everyone else. It makes me feel like so much drama. For some reason its really difficult to express my thoughts into words right now, this must continue later. Edit 1: I feel like I hang out at the mad hatters tea party, perhaps that is what the story is. I hang out here and I get entertwined with all of these people. People that stay around and stay close enough, I keep in contact with these people.... And in front of me new people, some I havent met that rest in the table that I cannot yet see. And some right in front of me, that will join those who I have decided to keep in my life forever. Its really weird to think about life this way, this is my life, this is how I've decided to see myself. I catch myself between all of these people, the past, present, and future people. Do I want to make the people in my present life my future, and how is it that my future and my past can keep in contact the way they do. Life is crazy like that, I dont know what to expect next and I never know when someone will go from my present to my past, and a part of the past I no longer see as clearly.