Navigating the chaos
A Parenting Reflection on Overwhelm, Triggers, and Self-Compassion
Parenting is often shaped by small decisions—seemingly innocent questions or offers that can turn a calm day into chaos. The past couple of days have reminded me that while I strive to do it all, sometimes saying “yes” to everything leaves me feeling overwhelmed and unprepared.
It all started with a simple question: “Is Matthew going to 4-H?”
In that moment, I wanted to say “yes” and make it happen for him. I called the organizers, and even though registration had technically closed, they made an exception for us. I thought we could pull it off. But looking back, I realize how unprepared we were.
When I joked to that mom that I needed the secret for keeping up with everything, I wasn’t kidding. Balancing schedules, activities, and responsibilities feels overwhelming sometimes, and I wondered how other parents seemed to make it look easy. But as I reflected, I realized that I’ve started to figure out some of those “secrets” for myself.
The Ripple Effect of One Decision
After my early morning workout, I returned home feeling accomplished—only to realize that Matthew had just woken up, and the 4-H activity was starting soon. The clock was ticking, and we scrambled to get him dressed, gathered what we needed, and rushed out the door. By the time we arrived, we were already late.
That one "yes" set the tone for the rest of the day. I was already carrying the emotional load of everything that had happened the day before:
A stressful Walmart trip after work with the kids, sparked by a popped balloon.
$300 worth of groceries to haul inside and put away alone.
Trying to balance unpacking, playing with the kids, and keeping the peace while Steve, feeling tired and overstimulated, disengaged.
Ending the evening with an emotional outburst when Marian pushed the bedtime boundaries.
So when Saturday morning came, and we rushed to 4-H unprepared, it felt like déjà vu—a continuation of choices that led to overwhelm.
The Secrets I’ve Discovered
Through this experience, I’ve begun to understand the "secrets" that can help me stay calmer, more intentional, and less overwhelmed:
Pause Before Saying “Yes”
Not every opportunity needs an immediate "yes"—and that’s okay. When someone asks if we’re going to participate in something, it’s helpful to pause and ask myself, “Do we have the capacity to do this in a way that won’t add stress?”Plan for Support
I don’t have to carry everything on my shoulders. Whether it’s asking Steve to help with one part of the routine or setting realistic expectations with my kids, I can plan for support instead of assuming I need to do it all myself.Simplify and Let Go of Perfection
Sometimes the best choice is to say “no” or “not yet” to create more space for what matters. In hindsight, I could have said no to 4-H this month and set a reminder to register early for the next one. Letting go of trying to “fit it all in” can help us avoid unnecessary chaos.Give Myself Grace
Yelling doesn’t define me as a parent—how I reflect and repair does. I’m learning that progress isn’t about never losing my cool; it’s about being willing to learn, grow, and try again.
The Mental Load of
"All the Things"
Even with these insights, I still feel the weight of everything I’m balancing:
Organizing our finances and planning for credit card decisions.
Monitoring Matthew’s YouTube content to make sure what he’s watching is age-appropriate.
Decluttering my side of the room and sorting through my closet, which is overflowing with things I no longer need.
Staying consistent with my gym routine, which has become a vital part of my self-care.
Each task feels urgent and important, and when they pile up, they create a sense of “too much.”
A Moment of Joy Amid the Chaos
Despite the challenges, there were bright moments that reminded me why I keep striving to be better. That evening, as the first snowflakes began to fall, the kids wanted to bundle up and explore outside in the dark.
Matthew eagerly gathered their coats, hats, and boots, even grabbing a flashlight to light up the snow. Their excitement was contagious. Though they were outside for only a few minutes, they came back in beaming with pride, exclaiming, “We did it!”
That small victory reminded me that my children don’t focus on the rushed mornings or the stressful errands—they see the love and presence I give them, even in imperfect moments.
A Commitment to Progress, Not Perfection
Parenting is filled with unpredictable moments, but I’m learning to slow down, reflect, and give myself permission to simplify. Some days I’ll get it right, and some days I’ll feel overwhelmed. But every day is a chance to show up with more intention, patience, and grace.
Tonight, as I tucked the kids in and reflected on the weekend, I reminded myself that parenting is a journey, not a test of perfection. Tomorrow is a new day—a fresh chance to listen, love, and grow. And just like the kids' snowy adventure, every small step forward is worth celebrating.
Personal Reflection: Pause and Breathe
Take a moment today to reflect on how you respond to the small decisions that shape your day.
Is there an area of your life where you feel stretched too thin by saying “yes” to too much?
What could you let go of or approach differently to create more peace and ease?
When have you given yourself grace and felt the difference it made?
Pause, breathe, and remind yourself that sometimes saying "not this time" is the kindest choice—not only for your schedule but for your mental well-being.
